Second Reality
by Majokai Yukiko
Summary: COMPLETED! Sirius Black woke up from a coma, after he fell through a veil in his dreams. He was not a wizard, but instead, he was a ...?
1. Chapter 1

**Second Reality | Chapter 1**

**A Harry Potter Fanfiction By Majokai Yukiko**

**Pairing: Remus + Sirius**

**Warning: Slash. Slight spoilers to Order of The Phoenix and Prisoner of Azkaban**

**This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. **

A/N: Alternate Universe. Okay? And the O Levels is one of the most important examinations that I have to take in my life (set by Cambridge), in case you are wondering.

---

Beautiful white crystals shattered into many pieces. Sirius Black watched, in morbid fascination at how the sparkling bits of magical aura seemed to surround him as he fell through the veil. The pain in his chest was ebbed into a numbing sensation; the voices of his lover and godson were nothing but a muffled whisper in this dense environment. 

Where was he going? Was he dead? Sirius wondered, realizing only then that these questions were of no importance in his mind. He was comfortable here, sheltered and protected, as if in a mother's womb. Suddenly, a bright white light enveloped his surroundings and blinded him. A gentle hand tugged at his arm, urging him onto some strange, unfamiliar place where he ought to be in.

A vision slowly unraveled himself before his eyes. He watched, like a moviegoer, as a distant part of his memory dredged itself forward. 

_Young Sirius Black leaned back on his elbow and watched the deep, emotive amber eyes of his lover. His long slender fingers were playing with Remus' hair, watching in awe how the thin smooth strands seemed to slip through his digits, like sand. _

_"What are we now, Sirius?" Remus asked. _

Sirius remembered this piece of memory well enough. It was his first night with Remus, the night where they had lost their virginity to each other. He could remember exactly what he had said then. In a way, he was glad he had said what he said. He had not broken any of his promises to his lover. 

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Are we friends, lovers…or what? What promise hold us to each other, Sirius?"_

The dark haired wizard watched his younger self sighed and propped himself higher up on his elbows, just how he had done so many years ago. 

_"I can promise you many things."_

_"But…"_ Sirius mouthed, repeating to himself the words he had spoken to the love of his life when he was younger. _"I can't promise you forever."_

_"All I have for you now is my love, my attention, my passion, my desire and all that I can ever give. I don't know if this will change, or which one of us will leave the other. All I have is the present and everything that it encompasses. Are you willing to take that?"_

_Young Sirius bit on his lower lip nervously. He had laid out himself and his heart in the bare, waiting for his best friend, the one he was secretly in love with for the past five years, to read out his sentence and lower the judge's gavel. _

Before Sirius could see young Remus' reply for the second time, he was pulled roughly from the pleasant emptiness and thrown into sudden awareness. A searing pain broke out from his lower back and from inside his head. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut against the light and tightened his fingers around the small hand in his. 

Wait…a hand in his?

A light touch tenderly swept over his forehead, pushing wayward locks of jet-black hair away from his face. 

"Wake up, Padfoot…please…"

Sirius wanted to bolt up on his bed upon hearing the strangled voice, choked with grief and tears. His mate was hurting, and he was the only one who could help. With a significant amount of effort, Sirius forced his eyes open and looked straight into the beautiful face of Remus Lupin. 

"Moony…" His throat was hoarse, as if somebody had just rubbed sandpaper hard against it. But the pain was worth it. Anything was worth it to see an expression of pure happiness and relief spreading across Remus' face. It was as though the entire room had brightened suddenly. 

Sunlight shone in from the window in the hospital ward, highlighting the dried silver tear streaks on those perfectly sculpted cheeks. 

"I'll…I'll call the doctor, Sirius." Remus turned to run out of the room, only to be stopped by Sirius' tight grip around his wrist. 

"Just…ring the bell. Don't leave me alone…Moony."

***

He was in St Mungo's, or at least, he thought he was in. It made sense; he was in a hospital, doctors and nurses rushing around from one room to another. The only thing that had not made sense to him was the irritating beep of a strange mechanism by his bed. 

Remus was outside, talking to the doctor about his condition. Sirius did not understand why it could not be said in front of him. But since his lover had reentered the room with a brilliant smile on his face, Sirius assumed it could not be anything bad. 

"Moony, mind shutting that thing up?"  Sirius whined, gesturing weakly at the maddening oscilloscope. 

"I can't…" Remus started only to be interrupted by the sound of the door opening. A bespectacled man with messy black hair dashed into the room almost angrily, followed by a demurely beautiful woman with bright green eyes. The man marched straight towards Sirius and slapped him lightly across the face. 

"What the hell happened to you, Padfoot? You worried the hell out of Lily and me."

"James…Lily…?" Sirius choked, unable to believe his eyes. What a strange dream he was having. James and Lily were dead. Voldemort killed them!! "How can it be…you are dead…"

That comment earned him another light slap across the face. 

"Damn, Sirius, is cursing us the first thing you think of doing?" James chided. Lily frowned and was about to add something when the door opened again. A teenage boy came running into the room and threw himself on Sirius. 

"Sirius!" Harry shouted, ruffling up his godfather's hair happily. Sirius blinked, his brain working hard to take in the information. James and Lily were alive? What happened to Peter then? Bellatrix? Voldemort?!

"Hey, take it easy, Harry?" Remus smiled, prying the boy off the bed. 

"Don't, Moony." James rolled his eyes, arms akimbo while staring down at his best friend. "He deserved it. You are the one who decide to fall off the stairs, what makes you think Lily and I will die? Out of grief? Ha!"

Nevertheless, Remus got Harry off and pushed him towards Lily, who tenderly put her arms around her son's shoulders. 

Sirius was confused. But he was not about to ask questions. He remembered fighting Bellatrix, falling behind the veil etc. So, he did the next thing that made sense. He pinched himself. 

"Ouch!"

"What was that for?" Lily cried out.

"Just making sure that I'm not dreaming." He was not. What did this mean? James and Lily were alive, Remus was still his lover, and Harry was happy and well fed. So…Sirius took another look at the hospital room he was in. On the other bed, a nurse was preparing a syringe for another patient. Wizards never used syringes. Only muggles did. The dark haired man knew what that machine next to him was. It was a CRO. Wizards never used CRO, only muggles did. 

If everything was as he suspected, then there was only one way to find out…

"Harry," Sirius turned to his godson with a smile. "How's school? You are taking your exams this year, right?"

"Oh, Sirius, is that the first thing you think of?" Harry groaned, smacking his forehead in a dramatic gesture. "Hermione never stopped reminding me that O Levels are just around the corner."

O Levels…not O.W.L.S…

Sirius gave a quick glance at the rest of his friends for any strange expression towards what the boy had just said. None. 

Of course…there was no such thing as magic, right? So…whatever that had happened, it was just a dream or a very long and painful nightmare. In reality, James and Lily were not dead. Because there was no such thing as magic, no Dark Lords…

And he was just…Sirius wrecked his brain for memories of his life. He was just a…

***

End of Chapter 1

Continue to Chapter 2


	2. Chapter 2

**Second Reality | Chapter 2**

**A Harry Potter Fanfiction By Majokai Yukiko**

**Pairing: Remus + Sirius**

**Warning: Slash. Slight Spoilers to Order of the Phoenix and the Prisoner of Azkaban**

**This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. **

Yukirei: Sorry about that. I wanted it to be the prologue at first, but later decided against it. Sighz…guess I wasn't paying attention. Okay, got it corrected anyway.

Qtsweet2003: Well, I don't read stories that placed too much attention on original characters. As much as possible, I don't even have original characters in my stories. If I really need to have them, I kill them off in two chapters' time. Just feel that their existence kind of defeats the purpose of writing Fanfiction. I'll leave them for my original stories. Thanks for the offer anyway. 

---

2 Days After Sirius' Discharge 

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck and pressed his body against his. Amber eyes fluttered close and Remus leaned down for a kiss, only stopping when he realized how tense Sirius had become. 

He let his arms drop back to his sides and stared hard into his lover's dark sapphire eyes, pain and hurt radiating off his lithe frame. Without saying a word, Remus walked out of the living room and into another, slamming the door shut. 

Sirius pulled out a chair and slumped heavily on it. He had messed up big time now, had he not? In his dream, which was so vivid that it was disconcerting, he had not been friends with Remus for twelve years. Even while he was hiding at Remus', keeping out of the way of the dementors, they had kept their distance. Sirius sighed and rested his forehead against he cool glass surface of the table. He had let a stupid dream ruined his love life. 

The man snapped upright when he heard the door click open. Remus jingled the keys in one hand and came out dressed in a simple suit with his briefcase in the other hand. His eyes were rimmed red, as if he had been trying hard not to cry. 

"We need to talk, Remus," Sirius croaked, trying to let in as much sincerity into his voice as possible. Remus lowered his head, covering his face with his long fringe and nodded. 

"I need to go to the doctor, Sirius. We'll talk when I'm back."

"I'll go pick you up?'"

"I have classes to teach after that, Padfoot." Remus was looking at Sirius with a strange look in his eyes, as if not believing that his lover could have forgotten that after so many years of them living together. Sirius swallowed. 

"I mean, I'll pick you up at school?" 

Remus fixed his lover with another look before leaving. Sirius heaved a sigh of relief. There was something seriously wrong with him. (No pun intended.) He seemed to be suffering from amnesia. For example, he could find his way around his apartment without any problems if he did not think about it. Once he stopped to check on what he was doing, he was lost. 

Sirius shook his head and walked into his bedroom. He wondered why Remus needed to go to the doctor's for. But it would not be wise to ask. 

He opened a desk in his drawer and took out his journal. How could he explain to Remus that he could hardly remember anything about their life together? The journal would have to do. 

So far, in the past two days when Remus was not at home, Sirius had spent his time reading his own diary, hoping that the little leather bound book could tell him more about his life than his memories could. 

He had found out many interesting things. For one, he was Sirius Black, the rising star in the entertainment industry. He started out as a model a few years ago and was currently working on his debut album as a rock star. The posters of him decorating his living room walls had said as much. 

He met Remus in boarding school when they were kids, fell in love and later lived together after graduation. They were lovers ever since. Remus Lupin returned to teach at the school, but was not willing to live in the dormitories like the rest of the staff because of Sirius. 

Sirius smiled. It seemed that their relationship was still going strong even after so long. That stupid thing he did just now when Remus kissed him was really, really stupid. 

He flipped to the last entry he read and flopped down on the bed. There was still time until school ends. Before that, he would read, and maybe doll himself up a little before bringing Remus out for a romantic dinner. A little make up sex would not hurt either. 

***

Sirius tied his flurry bathrobe around himself and walked out of the shower. He loved his showers. They were probably the best thing mankind had ever invented. He toweled his long black hair dry with a smile on his face and turned to walk out of the bathroom. 

He stopped in shock in front of the mirror. In place of his reflection was a large black dog. 

"Padfoot…"

Sirius rubbed his eyes. This was impossible. He told himself. I must be dreaming. He opened his eyes again. 

To his horror, instead of the Grim, he saw a dark figure approaching him from behind. A cold bony hand placed itself on his shoulder when the cloaked figure got close enough. He turned around and saw the dementor lowering his hood to kiss him. 

The Dementor's Kiss…

He screamed. 

***

Sirius threw the person off him. It took him a moment or two to realize that he was on his bed, seemingly just woken up from a dream. But that kiss…it felt too real. 

He quickly bolted up to check who he had just thrown off his bed onto the floor. He sincerely hoped it was not Remus. Sirius glanced at the person on his floor, his breath hitched a little in surprise. 

"Bellatrix? What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you get into my house?"

His cousin picked herself off the carpet and brushed the lint off her expensive clothes. She looked so different. Sirius had indeed forgotten a lot of things. For one, he felt as if he was seeing his cousin in something else other than those shapeless cloaks he saw in his dream. He had not seen his cousin dressed only in a pair of black pantyhose and on the floor of his bedroom. Period.

Bellatrix examined her panty hose to make sure they had not tore when she was tossed off. After being absolutely sure, she smiled seductively at Sirius and crawled onto the bed, looking exactly like a big cat on the prowl. 

"Why, Sirius…you gave me a key, remember? Boy, that accident must have unhinged you more than I thought." Long manicured fingers traveled up Sirius' thigh, stopping at his crotch to stroke his clothed member lightly. Sirius jerked away. 

"No, I don't remember. And I think you should leave, Bellatrix."

The dark haired woman stared hard at the man, looking positively taken aback by the obviously unexpected reaction.

"I don't think so, Sirius Black. Just a week ago you were pounding me into the mattress on this bed!"

A dull thud from the door made both of them to look up. Remus stood there, one hand on the doorknob and his briefcase on the floor. He was hurting. 

The brunette forced a smile at the two on his bed, trying hard to control the impulse of not dashing forward, pull Bellatrix off his lover and later tossed the adulterous pair out of the window. 

"Hi, Remus," Bellatrix leaned forward and pressed her well-endowed breasts against the still stunned Sirius. "Nice to see you. Was just paying my lover a visit."

The smile disappeared from Remus' face. 

"What a surprise," he said with mock courtesy. "So am I." He picked up his briefcase and marched out of the room, not even bothering to close the door behind him. 

Sirius pushed the scantily clad woman off him and ran out after Remus. The front door was open. Without thinking, Sirius rushed out of it. He finally caught up with his lover at the lift lobby, about to walk into the lift. 

Sirius slammed his hand against the metal door and held it there before it closed.

"Remus, listen to me. It's not what it seems."

"I've heard enough, Sirius. I was waiting for you at the school gates, expecting you to appear with Shadow or whatever car that caught your fancy today. You weren't there because you were at home riding something else, or rather, someone else on our bed! That's more than enough, Sirius. I don't care who you fuck in the studio, may it be the make up artist, your hairdresser or hell, even the coffee boy. But at least let me pretend I don't know about them, alright?"

"Sirius?" Bellatrix stood at the end of the corridor, smiling coyly at the two men, dressed still in her panty hose and a shirt Sirius recognized as his own. 

The tears Remus was trying so hard to hold back spilled at last. He pushed Sirius away from the door and jabbed hard on the 'door close' button. 

"Good bye, lover." He whispered. 

+++

End of Chapter 2

Continue to Chapter 3


	3. Chapter 3

Second Reality | Chapter 3 

**A Harry Potter Fanfiction By Majokai Yukiko**

**Pairing: Sirius + Remus**

**Warning: Alternate Universe. **

**Rating: R for implied sex. **

**This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. **

**A/N: Very long chapter over here, compared to what I usually write. Well, I just moved into a new house and the phone line was not connected yet (meaning, my Internet connection was gone!!). Almost a week without my precious connection, what else can I do?**

Deirdre of the Sorrows: Still currently thinking about what I should do to him, really. I promise I won't make him HIV+. I didn't even think about it until you mentioned it, really. 

Joey Potter: Well, let's just say it doesn't really matter whose perspective I put it in. This story is set in a "second reality" where the characters aren't really themselves. Sirius is probably the only one who knows anything about the wizarding world. It's just fun to write about Padfoot's confusion, yea? 

Forfirith: In Singapore, we still refer to it as O Levels. ^^" Perhaps we are just slow. 

---

"There you are!" Remus did not look back, knowing who it was that just found him sitting on the ledge of the roof, wondering if he should jump off this very instance and end his miserable existence. 

A click and the feel of cold metal around his wrist got his attention though. 

"There!" James shouted triumphantly, brandishing their cuffed hands with a smirk on his face. "Now you can't just jump without pulling me down with you. I'll have to warn you against that though: Lily will be very, very upset with you if you do."

"Knew it was bad news the day they let you into the force." Remus let out a bitter chuckle, and went back to looking at the dark night, at the bright star twinkling mockingly at him. 

"How did you find me?" He asked. 

James' smile melted from his face. He was worried for his friend. Sirius had called him, sounding terribly frantic and possibly in tears, yelling at him to help search for Remus. Here he found his childhood friend, literally sitting at the edge of life and death. 

"Sirius called me. I just thought I'd find you here. We used to sit out here at the roof of the Gryffindor Tower and talked the night away, remember? "

Remus nodded. "Both of us, Sirius and Peter." The young man attempted a reluctant smile. Things had changed so much between them. Once they had been young, so full of hope. Now, he could not even cry when he had wanted so much to. Sirius and he had been lovers for years. He loved the man. He loved his bad boy attitude, his impulsivity, and his clean-cut good looks that had once sent so many hearts fluttering and as a matter of fact, still do. He loved that charming smile that had wheedled the four friends out of a teacher's wrath almost all the time. 

He loved Sirius Black. But was it returned?

"Why don't you leave him, Remus?" James suddenly said. He had seen how Remus had willingly made a doormat of himself when Sirius was around. After they graduated, James and Peter joined the force while Sirius jumped straight into modeling. There was no news of Remus. The boy had not kept in contact with them at all. It was almost as if Remus Lupin had been wiped off the surface of the earth totally. Even when Peter died in crossfire, Sirius and he had no idea how to invite Remus to the funeral. 

They used to think Remus was happily in France with his parents, working alongside with his father in the Cabinet. It was until a few years later when they realized the entire family had been discredited in a political scandal, the Lupins executed while their only son remained missing. Sirius was distraught then. It was a good one-month before the man could get back to his feet and continue working again. 

Then, two years later, Sirius announced his engagement to Remus Lupin. 

"I can't, James." Remus lowered his head, amber eyes bright from unshed tears. "I owed him everything I have. I can't leave him."

James cocked his head and eyed his friend suspiciously. 

"You know, Moony, you never told us what happened during the time when you were lost to the world."

A tear trickled down Remus' well-defined jaw line. It was silent.

***

_It was getting late. Remus pulled his jacket closer to himself and leaned back against the cold grimy alley wall. It was late and he was desperate. It was a cold winter night and unless he fancied sleeping on a park bench that night, he had better find himself a trick. Quick. _

_Five years on the streets had taught him humility. He was a wanted man; that fact had not changed even after crossing the English Channel. He could not turn to his friends for help. No, he had not much of a career choice if he truly wanted to feed himself. Pride was definitely not edible. _

_Drunken laughter and unsteady footsteps echoed down the alleyway. Remus tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear, forcing himself to smile as invitingly as he could while the stranger approached him. When had you degrade yourself to this level, Remus Lupin? He mentally chided himself. Valedictorian of Hogwarts whoring himself on the streets, what would Dumbledore say to that?_

_His potential 'client' had long dark hair, but his face was still hidden in the shadows. Reminding himself of his job, Remus cocked an eyebrow seductively and was about to offer him his 'services' when the stranger stepped into the light. _

_Oh God! Amber eyes widened in shock. It was Sirius Black._

_Relax, Remus. He told himself that and stared straight into those deep blue orbs he had not seen for so long. Sirius was looking back at him with half lidded eyes. He's totally smashed, Remus realized. _

_It was a consolation of some sort. Whatever that happened or would happen that night; it was unlikely that Sirius would remember it the next morning. Just treat it as a brief respite. _

_"How much for a night?" Sirius' speech was slurred. He hung his arm around Remus' shoulders, his free hand caressing those soft lips before he captured them with his mouth. He pressed himself up against the brunette and plundered that gorgeous mouth relentlessly. _

_Too good, that was the thought that ran through Sirius' mind then. Alcohol had dulled his senses enough to let him see the hooker as his childhood friend. The shy, but intelligent boy he had fallen in love with so many years ago. _

_Can't stop…God, I missed you, Remus…_

_~~~_

_They tumbled onto the mattress together, frantically pulling their clothes off, hands touching whenever they could reach. At the back of Sirius' mind, it was as if Remus was indeed there with him. It was not a whore he paid to share his bed that night. It was Remus Lupin. No whore would or could respond to his touches with as much passion as this man was doing. _

_He pushed this stranger onto the moth-eaten mattress and crawled up onto of him. Sirius attacked the throat that was bared for him with the ferocity of a predator. It had been too long. He had kept this burning feeling he held for his friend for too long. He inhaled the musky scent deeply. Beneath the cheap cologne,it was Remus. _

_They made love as if there were no tomorrow. This was only one stolen night in an hourly rate cheap motel that would dissolve into vague memories the next day._

_"I love you, Remus Lupin," Sirius whispered, not noticing the tension in his lover at his words before collapsing beside the warm body on the bed, giving in to drunken oblivion._

_Remus pushed himself up on his elbows and looked down at his friend. Black fine strands of wayward hair framed that beautifully innocent face in sleep. Remus reached out his hand to trace his fingers across closed eyelids tenderly. _

_"I love you too, Sirius Black." He whispered. But only the night was there to hear him._

_~~~_

_After that night, Remus never really expected to see Sirius again. But his friend returned the next day to the alley, cold sober and smiling at him with a look of wonder and relief spreading across his handsome face. _

_"So, it was really you," Sirius breathed. Remus backed towards the wall like a trapped animal. He had no idea what to say to this, how to respond to this new unexpected change in his life. He told himself he would survive this, this life of sex, alcohol and drugs if Sirius and James would not find him. But how could he survive this now?_

_So, Remus did the only thing he knew how. He pretended. _

_He cocked his head to one side, leaning his weight on one leg seductively. He smiled. _

_"Hi, Sirius. Glad you came. You forgot to pay me last night."_

_Sirius was shocked. But he played along. If Remus did not want to face up to whatever that was confessed the night before, Sirius would wait. _

_"How much…?" Sirius asked, taking out his wallet and shoved a wad of cash into Remus' outstretched hand. "How much can this get me?" _

_Remus took a quick count of the bills. "The rest of this week. I get to be your rent boy for the next three days." He answered reluctantly. He did not want to stay so close to Sirius. He wanted the other man to look at him with disgust in his eyes and walked away from him. They would both then return to their life the way they had been._

_He was afraid. He was afraid by the end of the week; he did not want to leave. He still had that amount of pride left. There was no way he would beg for help from Sirius, no matter how much he wanted to.  _

_Sirius nodded and held out his hands. _

_"Come on," he pulled Remus along to the main street. "My car's out there."_

_"What happened to Shadow?" Remus could not help but ask. That bike had been Sirius' pride and joy. He once said if he could make the bike fly, he would. He would never sell that._

_"At home." Sirius tossed a grin at his old friend. It was like back where they were in school, understanding what the other meant with no words, only a small gesture, or a look in the eyes. Remus watched Sirius' face fall when the message could no longer get through. _

_They had changed. How he wished they had not. _

_~~~_

_Just like what Remus had suspected, by the end of that week, he did not want to leave. Sirius had been nothing if not loving for those three days. He took leave off work to bring Remus around London, doing normal things like visiting amusement parks, doing grocery shopping etc. Never once was Remus reminded of the real reason why he was there. Sirius kept to his side of the bed at night, but when morning comes, Remus would either find himself enjoying breakfast in bed or having a pair of strong arms holding him, making him feel secure, protected, as if nothing would go wrong. _

_It was the last day of their agreement. Remus sat silently on the couch, watching the flames flickered and licked at the fireplace. He did not want to leave. For these three days, Sirius had shown him how his life could have been, if only he gives in and accept his friend's charity. But no, his pride would not allow it. _

_"I have a gift for you, Moony," Remus looked up and smiled at his friend. It was a genuine smile. Sirius held out a small jeweler's box in his hand and sat down on the couch beside Remus. The brunette took it over with trembling hands, and hesitantly opened the box. He gasped. _

_There, resting on the soft white cushions, were two identical rings made out of white gold. The ring was simple, but beautiful in its simplicity. A thin black ring of obsidian was encased around the band, running between the white gold. On the inside, the same words were inscribed: 'Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and Forever"_

_"Stay with me?" Sirius pleaded earnestly. _

***

"You could have came to Lily and I for help, Remus?" James asked. It was no wonder why Remus could not leave Sirius. Not after he saved him from such a life. 

"You would have to arrest me first. I was an illegal immigrant, remember?" Remus replied bitterly. There were more reasons why he could not leave Sirius. 

Sirius was the one who persuaded Dumbledore not to question his sudden disappearance for five years and to hire him as a teacher in Hogwarts. Sirius was the one who pulled strings so that he could have a legal identity and leave his life in peace in England. Sirius was the one who had given his life back to him. In the same away, Sirius could take it away from him. 

He was a coward. So much for being an adult, Remus thought. He could not even walked out of the house knowing that he had the choice of not returning. 

In these years that they had been together, Remus turned a blind eye to Sirius' philandering ways. It was part and parcel for being in the entertainment circle, Remus reminded himself. Sirius still loved him, despite his actions. 

But that did not erase the fact that he was a whore, that his first meeting with Sirius after they graduated was a loveless transaction. The only difference between now and then was that he was only a whore to one man instead of many.

"Go back, James. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

Remus nodded. "I'll just sit out here for a while longer."

***

End of Chapter 3

Continue to Chapter 4


	4. Chapter 4

**Second Reality | Chapter 4**

**A Harry Potter Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko**

**Pairing: Sirius + Remus**

**Warning: Romance; Angst; Alternate Universe; Slash**

**This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. The song 'Second Reality' belonged to blank page. **

**A/N: I'm in a band, vocalist, and I love every minute of that job. Walking into the jam studio, grabbing the mike, humping the stand, losing myself in that music, singing out all the shit I get from school…I love it!**

**I love this chapter…finally I'm getting where I had wanted to go from the beginning. **

Reviews and Replies 

**jaded*angel7**: "Just a coma dream"? Boy, aren't you in for a big surprise...*evil cackles*

**A.L. Lorraine:** It's just that this is somewhat AU, that's why I had him as a whore. I do wonder about the years he had when Sirius was in Azkaban. He's not accepted by any wizarding community, he does not have the qualifications for a job in the Muggle world...well, some argue that he can just be a waiter or something like that, but which muggle employer will employ a waiter that gets sick every month and appear at work with bruises all over himself? Kinda suspicious, isn't it?

**Joey Potter:** There you go, chapter 4! ^_____^ I can't help torturing Remus...sorry, I just slot him under the category of "boys who are pretty when they cry"...*shrugs* I'll try to keep the torture down, alright...only that right now, I'm researching on that illness Remus have got...*smirks* Okay, okay, this chapter is about Sirius, happy?

**OMG!:** you are responsible if me head gets too big for me shoulders, savvy?

---

The house was dark when Remus returned. And silent. Not that he was expecting anything more. It was wistful thinking that Sirius would be waiting for him at home. 

The smell of cigarette smoke was heavy in the air. Remus wiped his shoes on the welcome mat with irritation, as he thought about the amount of work he would have to doto get the smell out of the carpets and cushions the next day. Perhaps he should start tonight. He certainly was not in the mood to sleep, especially notafter what he saw occurring on that bed. 

He placed his shoes neatly on the rack next to the door and flicked the light switch on. A soft murmur came from the couch as Sirius threw a hand over his face to block out the light. Remus stood at the door, startled with shock that Sirius was indeed waiting for him. 

The figure on the couch stiffened for a moment, and then peeked a look from under his arm at the door. 

"You are back!" Sirius exclaimed, relief flooding his tired face. He quickly uncurled himself from the cushions, and hurried to the door, taking care not to step on the overflowing ashtray and various empty beer cans he had left on the floor. 

Gingerly, Sirius took Remus into his arms, giving the other man enough space either to stay or to push him away again. Remus hesitated for a moment, before embracing his lover as well. 

Sirius almost cried. He was forgiven. Remus might still walk out of the house again, but at least right now, Sirius knew he was coming back. 

"I didn't expect you to wait up," Remus said softly, enjoying the sensation of being held so protectively in his lover's arms. Sirius had not done that for years…the gesture reminded him of how it was like between them years ago. ****

"I was afraid," Sirius confessed, knowing that Remus probably needed this moment as much as he did. "I was afraid that you are not coming back."

Remus nodded. He sensed sincerity in Sirius' words. Perhaps things would change for the better. Sirius had not been behaving like himself since his coma. He seemed nicer, somehow. More like how he was like when they were still in school, when he still looked at and treated Remus like he was God's gift to him, like he was unworthy of the affections of such an angel. 

Or perhaps they would return to square one when morning comes. The dawn might break this spell as the sun rises. But at least they could have this moment in time for love. 

They remained in each other's arms for a long, long time. ****

***

Sirius Black loved his life. He entered the building in the morning, not particularly early, just late enough to make Remus frown slightly, and was currently enjoying the attention he was receiving. All around, people were staring at him and whispering behind his back, looking as if they were withholding the impulse to throw themselves at his feet, spread a red carpet on the floor for him and beg for a chance to lick his boots clean. All this attention should have make him a little more than uncomfortable, but on the contrary, he felt good. He felt very good. In his dream (or nightmare, he have yet to figure out where to slot that one, seeing that it had both its good and bad times) he had been a runaway convict, making use of his magical ability to morph into a huge bear-like dog to avoid capture. 

Sirius shook his head bemusedly. He must have been reading too many of Harry's books…what series was that called? Animorphs? ****

He had only the most vague memories of this building, but thankfully, his legs could remember what his mind could not. Soon he found himself in front of a black door with his name on it. His office, he would assume. 

He put his hand on the knob, was about to enter when he heard someone, or a couple of someones behind it. 

"Don't you ever get tired of this, Regulus? Appearing at Sirius' office and generally making a pest of yourself?" A female voice sighed in exasperation, as if its owner was truly sick and tired of dealing with Regulus all these while. 

"Maybe, maybe not. What really baffles me is why my brother would give up the entire family business to pursue this crass entertainment nonsense."

Sirius knew that voice. He smiled to himself, turned the knob and walked into the room. 

"Oh, Regulus, what an unpleasant surprise to see you here." He grinned at his brother before giving the lady in the room a polite nod. "Enough, Nymphadora, I'll take over from now on."

Nymphadora Tonks breathed a sigh of relief and made her way to the door. "Sirius, you have a session at Studio 7 at eleven later. Don't be late again," she warned, although the cheerful smile on her face had spoilt the intended effect totally. "And by the way, the name is Tonks!" 

She slammed the door. 

"Woman," Sirius shrugged. "Remind me again why I'm gay?" He slumped down onto his office chair, leant back and began exploring the paraphernalia on his desk with his eyes, waiting for his brother to speak up. 

"Brother, when are you going to see the folly of your ways?" Regulus started. 

The model-turned-rock-star picked up a framed photo from his desk, smiling at the two familiar faces in the photo. For some reason he had half expected to see the picture moving, and then realized he was being silly about that dream of his again. 

"When are _you_ going to see the folly of _your_ ways, Regulus?" Sirius did not even look up to see the expression on Regulus' face. He traced his finger across the clay canines locked in a playful battle at the end of the frame, staring into Remus' warm honey gold eyes from the picture. It was a photo of them two, he with his arms around his lover's waist, hugging him tightly from behind and Moony trying to feed him his ice cream cone when all he was interested in licking was a perfectly curved seashell ear. 

That frame…Remus made that frame, insisting on making it with his bare hands the Muggle way instead of using magic…

The hand on his shoulders startled him back into reality. Sirius blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the mist in his head while deep blue eyes so similar to his own stared into his worriedly. 

"Brother? Sirius?" Regulus asked, shaking the other man gently. "You there?"

Sirius shakily nodded, still rather disoriented with where his mind had drifted. Magic? Muggle? Where had that come from?

"I think I should leave now." Regulus picked up his briefcase from the chair where he had left it and walked to the door. "Brother," he said, back facing Sirius. "Come home for dinner some day, alright? We… I missed you."

Sirius leant his head against the armchair, watching his younger brother exit his office. "I know you do, Regulus. But they don't."

***

He entered the studio at twelve. Sirius swore he was expected to turn up late and it was not good to do things against expectations. When he swaggered into that studio, the rest of his band mates were standing around, drinking coffee and indulging in idle chitchat. 

"Hey, chap, glad you're back!" Bill Weasley was the first one to notice Sirius. The redhead swung himself off the high leather stool and pulled Sirius into a brotherly embrace. His long red hair was tied in a wispy ponytail, dark red kohl lining his eyes, giving them a dangerously seductive look. He smirked when he released the vocalist and went straight to where the bass guitar was. 

"Now that our dear Sirius is finally back, can we get on with it!" It was a command, not a question. Tonks shook her head at the bandleader, grabbed her drumsticks and tested a 16 beat on the drums. 

Sirius looked around the studio and marveled. 

The studio was totally carpeted, from the floor to the walls to the ceilings, to keep out the noise, except for a single full-length mirror on the wall furthest in the room, facing the door. From the left of the entrance was a full set rock drums, with its bass, snare and high hats, and Tonks sitting behind it, hands raised with the sticks leisurely clenched. The Weasley brothers were on the right, fiddling with their guitars and amplifiers, making the routinely check on their instruments to make sure they were tuned the way they wanted it. It was hard to tell the twins apart, when both of them were playing the guitars, until they started playing. Fred played rhythm and George took the lead. 

Bill Weasley was the bandleader, with a guitar strapped over his shoulders. He was playing the bass guitar, unlike his brothers; his instrument was longer, sleeker and had two strings less than the twins'. 

In the middle of the room was a mike fixed on its stand. Sirius moved towards it almost automatically, his right hand rising to wrap its fingers around the cold metal surface. This was familiar. If he had closed his eyes, he would have remembered himself doing this, over and over again. This was what he loved, this was his passion, and this was music. 

"All right, gentlemen and lady," Bill bowed his head slightly at Tonks. " 'Second Reality.'" 

Sirius closed his eyes. The beat was on. 

"I can not hear but I'm not deaf

I find the sense between the lines

I don't even understand what I hear

I cannot tell but I'm not dumb

I use more than words to speak

I don't even understand what I say"

"How can I live this identity?"

"When I look into the mirror

I see myself sometimes I see me twice

The one that grows the other dies

But who am I now?

I don't even know myself

So how could I distinguish from someone else?

I can not tell this pain with words"

"How can I leave this identity?

Inside I live"

"Deep inside of me - second reality

Live beside my dreams - my own reality

Deep inside of me - I am lost with my fantasy

Live inside of me - my destiny"

"Now I see the blind man said, there is a light at the end of the floor. Someone sits right there in the corner. I look at him, he looks at me, he looks like me, and he is I. I'm no longer afraid. I found what I searched for so long. I found myself... I live "

"There has my world gone. I feel you..."

"Deep inside of me - second reality

Live beside my dreams - my own reality

Deep inside of me - I am lost with my fantasy

Live inside of me - my destiny"

" To feel, to see, to smell, to taste, to hear,

These are my senses, I need no words "

"This is my world where words are nothing worth

I have my mind where I find that words make blind

I am myself no one else - my reality

This is my world where words are nothing worth"

"Now that I've found myself

I'm more than someone else

I don't need any words

Now that I've gone this far

I break out of my jar

I tell you without words

The uselessness of words"

The instrumental continued, Sirius continued, swaying to the music, losing himself with the magic, the misty lack of reality and paradisiacal quality of his life. Perfect, this was perfection; nothing could be as perfect as this. A life with no Dark Lords, no magic, no deaths and betrayals, no Azkaban… he never wanted to wake up from this dream. 

**_"SIRIUS!! HE'S NOT DEAD, NO! LET ME GO! I TELL YOU—HE'S NOT DEAD!"_**

Sirius's eyes flew open in shock. He was looking into the mirror, facing the mirror and not seeing himself. He saw Harry, dressed in black wizarding robes, a wand in his hand while Remus was holding him back frantically, hiding the unshed tears in his eyes. Remus… he looked older than Sirius remembered seeing him that morning. The silver hair that marred his otherwise youthful appearance, and the thin body that had seen too much sorrows and monthly tortures; Sirius remembered that Remus better than he had ever remember the lover he had left at home. His lycanthropy had taken much out of him, but it had also made him who he was. It made him Moony. 

In the mirror… that perfect dream, or that flawed existence, which was real and which was not? Which was the image and which was its reflection?

Around him, the music stopped. Sirius reached out towards the mirror. Harry inside that mirror was screaming, still screaming, distraught tears running down his childish face. The scar on his forehead was flushed red, as if it was going to reopen and bleed any moment. 

That scar! Harry had gotten that scar when Lily and James died… but they were not dead, were they?

The mirror splintered into many pieces before his eyes. Each of the shards was carrying the image of a crying Harry and a Remus trying to save himself and his godson from breaking. 

***

"Sirius! What are you doing?" 

Sirius turned at the sharp tug at his elbow. Bill was shaking him frantically. "Earth to Sirius!"

He blinked. "Bill?" He glanced at the mirror again. There was nothing. The mirror was not broken, and all he saw was just his reflection. Just a normal mirror, just a normal reflection… just normal…

"Yea? Sirius, you okay? You looked like you blanked out there for a moment."

The vocalist swallowed an imaginary lump in his throat and looked at the mirror again. "I guess I did."

His ears were still ringing. Not from the incessant loud violent beat of Tonks' drunks, but from Harry's tormented screams…

**_"SIRIUS!!"_**

****

***

End of Chapter 4

Continue to Chapter 5 


	5. Chapter 5

**Second Reality | Chapter 5**

**A Harry Potter Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko**

**Pairing: Sirius + Remus**

**Warning: Romance; Angst; Alternate Universe; Slash**

**This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. **

A/N: Here's Chapter 5, peeps! Enjoy and review...promote it to your friends, whatever...I screwed up RL. Go on, remind me that life is still worth enjoying...*sighz*

Reviews and Replies 

**Scribbler:** Whoa...long review. Anyway, the lyrics are from this band called 'blank page'. Pretty decent music, in my opinion. But nope, I'm not a fan. As for Remus going to the doctors...next chapter…I promise ya…alright?

**Sarah:** I'm surprised nobody has thought of this yet though. Thanks for the compliments, there's no way I'm chucking this off, not when I'll have it completed within 10 chapters. 

**Blue Tears07:** We might jolly well be thinking the same way. But don't spoil the surprise for others. If you see it, you see it...you can email me privately though, if you want to have it confirm.

**A.L. Lorraine:** I've been there before. The depression, that is. I'm rather familiar with the entire put yourself down thing...^^" Didn't want to do that to Remus...but he's just too pretty not to make him cry, yanno?

**Mystical Witch:** Now this is one question that I have no idea how to answer. Or at least, I can't answer. You'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

My Current Favorite Review [From LJ] 

_"I wondered what would be worse, complete amnesia or memories mismatching your current reality.. I think it is the second. For no matter how perfect your world gets, you can't let go of the feeling that it is not yours - it must be another's life you're leading._

_I love your story. Please continue^_^_

_Greets from Miki."_

I started this fic a few months back and posted regularly on FF.net. This is the best review I've received so far! You just summarized the very essence of this story. What happens, when you are given a perfect world, and the choice to choose between that and the real world?

Thank you for that review~~ I was so afraid nobody will see this and you did!!

---

Sirius Black trudged up the stairs wearily, feeling like seventy-three instead of the thirty-seven he was. It was as if he was living two lives. That fiasco at the studio had shaken him tremendously. Harry's screams, that scar, Remus' stricken look, all of which he had seen clear as day and felt as though he had lived every moment of it, dying a little each time. 

Cold claws of fear, anxiety and confusion had dug into an integral part of him and were tearing him into two. What was real and what was not? He could not differentiate anymore. All he really wanted then was a good hot bath and a peaceful sleep that could hopefully take away the growing migraine in his head. 

"Why are you so late?" A familiar voice demanded. 

Sirius looked up and saw Remus at the top of the stairs, arms akimbo and fury flashing in his golden eyes. If he were not so tired, he would have noticed the slight tremor in Remus' shoulders, the cold sweat on his forehead and the glazed sickly eyes. But he was, and in no mood to deal with any thing else. Sirius sighed. 

"I don't have time for this, Remus." Sirius replied, pushing past Remus gently to reach for the door. But the brunette would have none of it. He grabbed his lover by the shoulders and none-too-tenderly swerved him around to face him. Sirius winced. Despite the deceptively slender build Remus had, Sirius knew (and was reminded so that) his lover used to be the best fighter in Hogwarts' martial arts club, complete with black belt in both karate and judo. 

"I asked you a question, Sirius."

"And I said I didn't have time for this nonsense!" Sirius snapped, his frustration and pain breaking the dams while he shouted and raved, screaming words that he would have never voiced given otherwise, words that would hurt Remus without doubt. 

"WHO ARE YOU TO ASK ABOUT MY NOCTURNAL ACTIVITIES? WE ALL KNOW WHAT **YOU** USED TO DO!" 

Sirius gasped in shock, not believing what he had just said in a moment of anger. Remus' past was a taboo that both of them would rather avoid mentioning. Who wished to be reminded that their lover had been a cheap two-pence whore, used for other men's pleasure?

But he never had the chance to apologize. Remus' instinctive reaction kicked in. A slight push was all it took to throw Sirius off his balance. His face was contorted in surprise and a slight tinge of regret. The dark haired man held out his hands, at the same time where Remus realized his mistake and tried to do the same. Their hands never meet. 

Red. Red-hot pain zapping through his chest like magic, like death…(like Bellatrix…)

White. White light burst into shimmering crystals around him. He no longer saw Remus at the top of the stairs, as he fell through the veil of reality into another dimension. Then, he heard a voice. A soft maternal voice speaking to him, telling him that he must be strong, that he needed to make a choice. 

He had to make a choice between reality and make-believe. 

***

He sat bolted up right on his leather arm chair, staring out wide-eyed and confused at the bright city lights shining at him from the neighboring buildings. Sirius rubbed his eyes. A dream…just a dream again. But just like any other dream he had since he had waken up in the hospital that day, it seemed to be trying to tell him something. Something important that he should have noticed by now; something that he was subconsciously refusing to concur with.

Sirius spun around in his chair, and rest his elbows on his desk, his head propped up by his hands. He was trying to make sense of what his dreams were saying. Mirrors, bright lights and a strange sense of living two lives, everything that happened to him seemed so unreal. His dreams were taking on such intensity that Sirius could no longer tell the difference between what was real and what was not. 

He cocked his head to one side, and stared at the phone on his table. It was Tuesday night. Remus usually had extra lessons with his students on Tuesday nights, helping to tuition those students who were weaker in their work. Which means, if he rushed now, he could still catch Remus at school before the brunette hop onto the next train home. Sirius smiled to himself. That was one good way to keep his mind off things:  quality time with his lover. 

He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. 

***

Remus sighed inwardly to himself when his student looked up at him with such confusion and puzzlement in her eyes. Lavender Brown was a sweet girl in his class, he gave her that, a little ditzy sometimes but Remus could tell she was intelligent. Then why on earth did he just have the déjà vu feeling of trying to explain science concepts to Peter?

Even Peter was not that bad. At least he was only weak in his Sciences and Maths and Languages. He could do humanities…in the minimum. 

"I'm sorry, Professor Lupin. But I still don't understand how the population pyramid can show if the population's aging or not." Lavender whined. 

_No, anything but whining. Damn, remind me again why I'm gay?_ Remus closed his eyes briefly and thought about how to explain the acumen of interpreting population pyramids to Lavender for the seventy-fifth time that night. He cast a quick glance at his watch and sighed again. What he would not do to be home in bed with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate by his side. 

"Still at it? Boy, Moony, didn't know you are that hardworking. Dumbledore's not paying you enough for this."

Remus' head snapped up in shock. Leaning against the doorframe of the classroom was his lover, still in his full band paraphernalia, dressed in a white open shirt with Victorian cuffs and leather pants, looking absolutely edible. Remus licked his lips unconsciously. Beside him, Lavender let up a squeak. 

"Si…Sirius Black?" The teenage girl continued to stare at what she thought was her dream come true. God's-gift-to-humankind, sex-on-legs Sirius Black was at the door of her room. Fine, it was her classroom, but nope, she would not say no to a little kink with school uniforms. 

Remus heard the squeak and rolled his eyes in exasperation. _There we go again. _

"The one and only," Sirius announced grandly, pushing himself off the frame and strode over to Remus, slinking into the seat beside the professor. 

"Hi, I'm Lavender Brown. Er…I'm a student from Professor Lupin's geography class. And…mayIhaveyourautographplease?"

Sirius smirked. "Hey yourself. I'm Sirius Black, thirty-seven and gay. And yes, you may." The model-turned-rock-star picked up a pen from the table and signed on the back of a little bus ticket Lavender was nervously pushing his way. A quick movement of the pen, and he was done, wrapping an arm around Remus' shoulders affectionately. 

"Dinner?"

Remus cocked his head to one side and turned to smile apologetically at his student. She waved him off. 

"It's okay, Professor. I'll just see if I can ask Parvati for help. She's a genius at the subject after all."

The professor nodded, still could not help feeling guilty at leaving his student alone despite the fact that his stomach was growling. The warmth from Sirius' arm and the fact that his lover traveled all the way to Hogwarts to ask him out for dinner had not helped in his debate with his guilt either. 

Remus packed his things back into his bag and stood up, tugging Sirius out of the classroom before Lavender began drooling, which was about to happen soon if they remained. 

The girl watched her teacher and her idol walk out of the room hand in hand. A lazy smile creeping up her lips when she realized what Sirius Black said when he introduced himself. 

Oh well, she shrugged mentally. At least Sirius and the professor looked cute together. Sirius and Lupin doing the nasty…Lavender giggled girlishly and began packing her books too. 

***

"What do you think you were doing, Sirius?"  Remus hissed as soon as they walked into the school's car park. Sirius arched an elegant eyebrow.

"Taking you to dinner, why?" He asked, honestly confused. 

Remus frowned. After last night, he was afraid. He feared that whatever that had changed for the better would vanish into the dust with the morning light. Even after he woke up, spooned against Sirius and protected in his arms, he was afraid it would not last. It was too good to be true. Too good to be real even, such that some part of him had refused to believe in it at all; in this way, it would not hurt as much when it was time for happiness to be once again taken away from him. 

"You never did this, you know? Not since…" and he trailed off. 

Sirius' eyes softened at the pain on his lover's face, upset that he was the one who had caused it in the first place. He might have not remembered what he had done, but that was no excuse not to make up to Remus for it. 

"Not since too long. I booked a place at that…" he almost said 'muggle'. "…Dinerthat you liked. So we had better hurry." 

Remus left it at that and stepped into the red convertible, Sirius' choice of transport for that evening. When he was done buckling his seat belt, he found Sirius grinning at him while starting up the engine. The top of the convertible folded itself, exposing the interior of the car to the elements. But it was not raining that night, just rather windy. 

Sirius reached out his hand and tugged the rubber band off Remus' tiny ponytail, that pathetic lock of hair the latter had insisted tying it up because long and ruffled cut hair did not sit well with the 'Professor Lupin' image. Light brown hair fell loose, framing the heart-shaped face softly. 

"Let the wolf free, Moony." And they sped off into the night. 

***

Sirius never thought he would see Remus the way he looked then. In the moonlight, the silver shine tinting his hair, giving it a slightly golden glow to it. The soft brown hair, so perfectly styled usually was ruffled, swept into a wild dance by the wind and the speed of his car. The grin on his lips, and the narrowed eyes against the London chill gave a feral touch to his boyish face. Sirius could not remember the last time he saw Moony look so…wolf-like. 

"Look, Sirius! The Dog Star!" They had decided to forgo dinner for a comfortable quiet night outside. There were nobody in sight, no buildings either. The sweet scent of grass and wilderness calmed their senses. The only evidence of civilization was the soft carnival music in the air. There was a fun fair somewhere near them. But the music and voices of the people were so soft that it seemed to belong to another dimension. 

The dark haired man leant back against the leather seat of his car, stretching his arms across Remus' shoulders lazily and looked up at the night sky where Remus was pointing. Sure enough, the Dog Star was hanging bright against the black velvet of the skies. 

Remus settled warmly into Sirius' arms, smiling up into his lover's face. 

The star looked strange in Sirius' eyes, though he could not for the hell of him understand why. He was named after that celestial object; his Uncle Alphard had pointed it out to him many times before when he was a young boy. Just as he had done the same for his younger brother, the Regulus star in the Leo constellation, before they began to drift apart. 

Then it hit him. 

The Sirius, Dog Star, was the name given to the pair of binary stars, the two brightest stars in the night sky. Two stars…bound to each other, so different yet so alike. Two parts of the same…two sides to the same coin…

"Padfoot?" Sirius caught Remus' hand and pressed it against his face, nuzzling the smooth skin softly. Remus' hands were never so soft; the skin on them was never so smooth. The monthly transformation had put him through hell over and over again. His body was full of scars, his fingers filled with calluses from twelve years of working in the muggle world, doing menial work because no wizarding employment would take a werewolf in. 

Sirius looked up again at the sky, at the big round orb hanging against the obsidian stage curtains of the night. 

"It's a full moon tonight…Remus?"

"Yes, isn't it beautiful? The moon…"

"You are not supposed to be out in the full moon, Remus…Moony…the wolf…this is not real, not real…" Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck protectively, burying his face into the crook of his lover's neck. 

"Does it matter?" Remus whispered, his hot breath burning Sirius' cold skin. "Isn't this more real than anything else? More real than magic? Stay with me Sirius; please…just don't say anything else. You can stay here forever, as long as you don't say anything." 

Sirius shook his head, his world suddenly turned upside down, exploding into a kaleidoscope of colors that made no sense to him at all. He pushed Remus off him and jumped out of the car, escaping, running away from the man who never was the one he loved. ****

***

End of Chapter 5


	6. Chapter 6

**Second Reality | Chapter 6**

**A Harry Potter Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko**

**Pairing: Sirius + Remus**

**Warning: Slash, Alternate Universe. **

**Timeline: After Order of the Phoenix**

**This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J K Rowling, Scholastic Books and their associates. **

A/N: This is the last chapter, peeps. Don't think I will be writing a sequel to this, until Rowling decides to bring Sirius back to life in cannon. Sweet Merlin, I can only hope she will. 

***

_"They say home is where the heart is."_

_Edward Hyde, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie_

His heart was beating frantically from the run. Sirius placed his hand on his chest to calm his breathing. The slight but hurried pulses reminded him that Remus would not have survived this run. His lover could not drink coffee, or indulge in chocolates lest they caused him the palpitations that would leave him cold in the limbs and weak in bed all day, unable to do anything else but sleep. This was the reason why he had to visit the doctor month after month for cardio treatment. 

Another set of his memories, however, told him that things were different. The only thing that could render Remus bedridden was his monthly transformation from man to wolf. And that chocolates and coffee were probably one of the few things, outside of air and water, Remus could not live without. 

Two sides of a coin, each telling him different and conflicting stories about his life. Remus' medical condition would make a more logical explanation to anyone, but not him. Deep in his heart, he felt that lycanthropy, imaginative and fantastical as it might seemed, had been more real to him than ever. 

The man at the gate stuck out a hand at him. Sirius dug into his pockets, not bothering to count the amount of money he had given the man for an entrance ticket to the carnival. 

Bright colors, strange confusion…Sirius only regretted paying after he realized he had walked into a world brighter and more chaotic than the one he had just ran away from. He ducked into the nearest tent he could find. 

Mirrors. Mirrors were lined everywhere, from wall to wall, ceiling to floor. Sirius took another step deeper into the maze. It was dark, and there was no one else in the maze with him. He was alone; every mirror was casting his reflection back at him. Except for one. 

Young Sirius Black glanced around nervously as he sneaked into the room. It was the library. Or at least, it was the extra room in the library that he was not allowed in. After bullying a couple of house elves, those frightened buggers told him that the room was filled with books with great and mysterious information about the Dark Arts and other forms of magic. The hidden and forbidden section of his house, of course, enthralled Sirius. His family was the noble and most ancient bloodline among wizards. Surely the library would hold many secrets that he could boast about with the Marauders back in school. 

_He looked around the shelves of books around the room. Nothing special around there…nothing that had caught his eye particularly, other than the book that had been left on the only desk in the room by its previous reader who obviously had not bothered to return it. Sirius tiptoed across the wooden floor, careful not to wake his parents who were sleeping in the room below. _

_It was a book about magical artifacts in the wizarding world, including the Philosopher's Stone and the Veil of Afterlife. Sirius had heard about the Philosopher's Stone. Who had not, especially if it involved the two most prominent figures in the community: Nicholas Flamel and Albus Dumbledore? But as for the Veil…Sirius squinted his eyes and then took out his wand in frustration. _

_"Lumos," he whispered, trying to read the scrawling script by the faint light. _

Sirius watched in amazement as the scene in the mirror rippled and dissolved into another one. It was James, Lily and he, sitting in the couple's sitting room at Godric's Hollow. Lily was cradling baby Harry in her arms, while James and Sirius put their heads together to read from the same newspaper. 

_"I'm so glad they decided to seal the Veil," James finally commented. Sirius nodded his agreement. _

_"Can't say I blame those who threw themselves into the archway voluntarily. With such dark times ahead of hers, being trapped eternally in a make-believe world seems far more tempting than staying here and waiting for the Deatheaters to show up."_

_"But Sirius! That world is not real! I've heard that the Lovegoods were the last to throw themselves in!" Lily exclaimed. "Pity their daughter Luna. She's about the same age as Harry, isn't she, James?"_

_James smiled grimly back at his wife. "Yes she is. But I have to agree with Padfoot over here though." The two friends sighed and went back to reading, knowing full well that, if not for their lovers they would have tossed themselves in long ago too. _

The scene faded back into his reflection again. Sirius frowned at the mirror, spun around and exited the tent.

***

The door to their apartment opened with a resounding creak. Sirius knew the truth now…was no longer blinded by an unnaturally realistic dream. The carpet under his feet was false, the sweet aroma of hot cocoa in the air was imagined, and so was the lover who had walked into the living room from the kitchen to greet him with a tearstained smile. 

"Welcome back, Sirius. I made cocoa."

"I'm leaving, Remus." The brunette stiffened, and then relaxed as he sat down on the couch by the coffee table, taking a deep sip of his cocoa. The Sirius in this alternate reality would probably make some protest regarding Remus and his unhealthy chocolate obsession. But right now, this Sirius simply did not care. 

"But you just got here." Remus pointed out, his fingers clenching around his mug tighter than usual, obviously trying to keep his calm. Unshed tears were threatening to fall any moment, clear crystals of precious teardrops clung on to his long eyelashes. Sirius suddenly felt the impulse to take Remus into his arms, and whispered sweet nothings into that perfect shell-shaped ear, telling him that he was only joking, that he would never leave. But it was not true. He had to go. 

This might have been the perfect life that he had been searching for, but he could not live with himself if he stayed. He would never love this Remus, nor this life as it deserved. He had spent twelve years in Azkaban wasting away for a lie, for a crime he had not committed, and he would not, and could not; continue to live a lie any longer. He would never be able to spend the rest of his life here, knowing what he knows. If Sirius were given a choice, he would rather live a harsh life in reality, than a peaceful one in a world full of deceits and lies.

"No, I've been here too long." Sirius mouthed a 'sorry', wondering for a moment why he was apologizing to a phantom Remus. This Remus had too many emotions attached to him to believe him false; in comparison, his Remus' calm composure seemed artificial. That made it even tougher to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. 

Sirius turned to face the door. Much as he wanted to, he knew he could not look at this Remus... he was not real. Nothing was ever real. Although it would be perfect to stay in his dream and live out his life the way he wanted, he knew duty hold him away. He had a promise to keep. 

"When are you coming home?" He heard Remus ask. He could hear the tears in that voice. Fabricated tears from a fabricated dream... 

"This was never home." He replied, and walked out of the door. 

Almost magically, Sirius felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He smiled at the stairway, took a few steps to the edge of the top step and let himself fall. He had faith, in returning. He had faith, in reality. He had faith, in himself. He had faith that Remus would be waiting for him on the other side. 

Bring me home… He prayed and collapsed into a white darkness. 

*** 

Remus always found his calm in this part of the forest. He thought back to the one year he had spent teaching at Hogwarts and smiled. Snape was right about him all the while. He knew exactly where Sirius was. It was here his lover had been hiding in: the other side of the Forbidden Forest, too deep for any student to venture forth, except for the Marauders on full moon nights. 

He remembered Harry's tearful eyes when the boy turned towards him. Emerald eyes that were yelling at him, demanding how he could still remain calm after seeing his best friend fall through the Veil into nothingness. Harry lost the father figure he never knew James to be. But Remus lost the only one who had shown him what friendship, companionship and love could be. 

Sometimes Remus thought about that too. 

How he wished he could be like Harry, crying, stamping his feet and yelling at everyone around him, demanding that they bring Sirius back to him like a spoilt child. How he wished he could show his sorrow and grief openly before others. How he wished the Order could understand his pain, the pain of love found, love lost, love found against after twelve years of misunderstanding, and finally love gone. 

He sat down on the soft, almost untouched, ground, watching the stone cave that held so many memories for him. Memories of Padfoot and Moony running in the wild of the night, memories of teenage love and time spent in each other's arms, strong fingers roughened by Quidditch training running through his hair, sweet-nothings spoken into his ear, memories of Sirius, just escaped from Azkaban, huddled in the chilly stone floor of the cave, with nothing but painful memories to haunt him. 

Memories of Sirius, not dead, but gone from him forever. 

Remus knew enough of the Veil to not despair, but not enough not to fear the power of it. The temptation of being provided with a perfect life. How could he ever compete with that? He wondered, in that other perfect fabrication, would Sirius even think about him? Would he exist in that world? Would he be different? Would his doppelganger be so different from him that even Remus could not recognize his own reflection in the mirror? Or would his other self be different because the true him was not what Sirius wanted?

Would Sirius dream about the lover he left behind on the other side of the Veil? Or would he be drawn so deep into that perfection that he could no longer tell reality from dreams?

Remus played with the dark green grass and sighed. If he close his eyes and imagine, perhaps he could smell the musky scent of Sirius beside him. Like the way it was after Quidditch practice where they would sneak here and enjoy the pleasant comfort of their shared love. Sirius would plop down next to him and lay with his back flat against the ground, watching the clouds pass by above them, listening to the songs of the wind, the stories they had to tell from places faraway. 

He inhaled deeply. Nothing. The air was void of has-beens. The wind no longer whispered their tales into his shell-shaped ears. Remus pushed himself off the ground and made his way into the cave, not wanting to spend any more time in the nature that reminded him so much of his lost love. Not wanting to be reminded that he could not cry. 

Tears no longer came to him as easily as they used to be. Twelve years alone had hardened him, took away his ability to show his emotions outwardly. He buried a vital part of himself so deep within that no one else could find. The only one who could was gone. 

He kept walking, until he bumped into something solid. Something that had not been there before. Remus narrowed his eyes suspiciously and took out his wand, muttering 'lumos' under his breath. The tip of his wand lit up, providing the barest illumination in the dark cave. There was a fog before him, white swirls of thick mist, but the mist was solid. Out of curiosity, Remus placed his hand against the cloud, pulling away quickly when he felt something warm grab at him. 

On the other side of the fog, somebody lurched, and crashed headfirst into Remus. The brunette struggled valiantly against the weight, and then buckled as he fell to the ground. 

The familiar musk of the forest green assaulted his senses. Long black hair tickled his cheeks. Remus blinked, not wanting to believe his eyes. Sapphire eyes smiled down at him. The vision blurred. 

Strong calloused fingers that spoke of days long past reached down to wipe the tears from his amber eyes. 

"I'm back," Sirius whispered, leaning down to brush his lips against Remus'. 

"Welcome home," Remus replied, before capturing his lover's lips in a kiss. 

Home, indeed. 

***

The End 


	7. Final Ramblings

'Second Reality' is dedicated to the very people who showed me the meaning of home. 

To Thomas and Serene Tan for all that patient nurturing only a parent could give. Thanks, Mum and Dad. I love you. 

To Theresa and Tracy, although we are sisters, the great age difference between us makes me see you guys as my mothers instead of siblings and you seeing me as your child than a sister. Thank you for loving me and pushing me to my limits, in whatever I do. You love, you care, and although you sometimes frighten me with your strangely overt concern or more often than not quick temper, I know you only mean the best for me. I love you guys too. 

--

Final Notes from the Author:

Okay, finally you get to finish this fic. Finally I get to finish writing it. Not that writing it had not been fun. I've had this idea since I read the Order. I mean, what else could have happened?

The many questions that plagued me ever since…

Sirius cannot be dead. He had such a miserable life. Look at it this way, he spent 16 years since he was born in the Black family, living with the very people whose values he despised, living with those that he had tried to fit in, tried to be the model son they wanted. Then comes the betrayal by Peter, one of those he had considered to be his best friends…the death of Lily and James…and he was imprisoned once again, this time in Azkaban. Twelve years in that cold cell, trying to keep alive, trying to keep sane by remembering Peter's betrayal, James' death and Remus' hatred. Two years on the run after he escaped and then he died. Terrible life, isn't it? Unfortunately, I'm one of those who respects what the author does with her own characters, therefore, I'm keeping him alive in my heart for as long as possible, through Fanfiction. Yay! What is the Veil all about? Luna said there were ghosts trapped behind that thing, and her own parents were behind it. Imagine, what if there is a world between ours and heaven or hell? There is a world where people, after they die, were trapped in before they go anywhere else to rest in peace. They did not want to die. Scream, rage, and yell that their lives is not yet over, it can't end like this, they can't let it end like this. Bingo! There we go! I've created a world where people live in dreams. And unless they wake up from this dream, they can never go forward in afterlife. May it be heaven or hell or reincarnation, if you believe in that instead. 

---

The things that YOU wonder about. 

What can it be…oh, the song. I found the song after I wrote the first draft for the first chapter. I have in my mind, exactly what I wanted to do with this story. Only that I keep digressing, with the appearance of Bellatrix and blah. *scratches head sheepishly* But well, I got to the end after all. The original title for this fic was 'In The Mirror' and personally, I think it's corny. I spent about two hours while waiting to take my oral examinations thinking about what else can I name it with…came up with crappier, cheesier and cornier titles that I shan't bother you with. I asked my beta reader, but nothing fantastic really came out of it, until I typed bits and pieces of songs I know into Google.com search engine and came across the lyrics of 'Second Reality' instead. Fits, doesn't it? Mirrors. Mirrors play a significant role even in cannon itself. Remember the Mirror of Erised, and the two-way mirror Sirius had given Harry in the fifth book? Playing by Rowling's love for mirrors, I deduce that mirrors have certain magical qualities to it in the wizarding world. So…no surprise that I actually use mirrors as the 'windows' between the two worlds, right? Home is where the heart is. Indeed. The muggle Remus asked Sirius when he was returning home. But the muggle world portrayed by the Veil, no matter how attractive it seemed, was never real. Home is real. To quote Robert Frost, "home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in", when you are lost, the only place that holds you anchored is your home. Sirius finally found himself back in his lover's arms. In the real world. In every sense of the word, he had came home. 

I owe this fic to many people. First and foremost being my beta reader, who had so patiently went through my less than perfect grammar, my terribly lame plot ideas with great efficiency. Thanks, Ally!

Also to Yeehan who had listened to my storytelling so intently over lunch. My ideas solidified a lot better when I verbalized them. Really. 

Plus Jenn-kei, who got me through the boring as hell Prize Presentation rehearsal by helping me vet my plot bunnies.

And last but not least, to my reviewers who had given me so much support and motivation to write on. I love you guys!

Anyway, shall not say anymore about this. Probably going back to continue with my stories from other fandoms, or writing another SBRL one when I have the inspiration to. 

Till then, ta!

Majokai Yukiko

Shameless plugging: Go to my author's profile and check out my other slash fics either there or on my website. GenoXis holds some of the fics that I can never post on FF.net, such as those from Vampire Chronicles and Terminator series. 


End file.
